Thanksgiving Marathon

Episode

76

Air date

November 24, 2022

Episode guide
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Overview[]

Double Heads Variety Hour presents “Thanksgiving Marathon," where DJs Matt Fox and Dillon Minacci present a playlist combining music chosen by them and their Thanksgiving guests. They learn about recent dairy innovations, handle a hostage situation, and host a family dinner. Listen to the episode.

Episode Summary[]

Matt Fox and Dillon Minacci begin their 2.5 hour special show with an invitation for anyone who is listening to join them at the KOOP studio for a Thanksgiving meal that they have lovingly prepared. They don't have much of a plan beyond that and begin playing songs with food themes to get the party going.

Their first guest arrives shortly after the show begins. Esther P works for Texas Dairy Forever and arrived after smelling a lack of dairy products wafting from the studio door. She has a truck full of Texas dairy products and is traveling around the city unloading product by the pallet for anyone interested. When the DJs point out they have some dairy products on the table, she dismisses them as "reeking of Wisconsin cow," and further explains that her goal is to raise awareness of the danger of midwest cattle. She also won't explain why, but says that the milk cult in Buda no longer exists. The DJs are also pretty certain her last name is Partridge. She gives them 12 pallets of shelf-stable dairy.

Esther picks out a couple cheese-themed songs, but when the DJs show a dislike for the selections, she quickly blames her interns for choosing the music. She details that she grew upon the only dairy farm in west Texas, which was operated by her parents, Martha and Fred P. As a child, she slept in the barn with the cows for comfort and warmth, thus fostering her passion for dairy. She did not go to college, and she is selling "Dairy Freak" stickers for those interested.

A second guest arrives shortly following. Vino Cochino is a sushi chef who just landed in Austin from Italy. It is his first time in the US, and he is hoping to launch a mobile sushi restaurant in the city, as shelf-stable salmon sushi is his specialty. When the DJs ask about his sushi-making process, it comes to light that Vino is actually just selling raw potatoes wrapped in raw seaweed. His parents are government workers originally from New Jersey, but he grew up in China and then relocated to Italy, where he started his culinary ventures.

The DJs get an unexpected caller named Dolores, who is holding Dillon's cat and parents hostage In Brooklyn. After a tense round of negotiations, Dolores accepts three planes filled with Texas dairy as payment for the parents and cat.

Esther later explains that the Texas dairy she is promoting has all come from wild boars, and that she cannot legally sell it, hence all the product being free. She operates a wild boar sanctuary, where they harvest the milk – also known as blooming – through a cuddling technique that involves microwaved towels and cotton blankets. She is a frequent attendee of conferences including Women in Milk and Dames for Dairy.

Vino then details his plans for the new salmon sushi food truck concept, which is just driving a Dodge Ram around town and selling his "sushi" from the bed of the truck. He proudly sources all his potatoes from Idaho, but is now looking for a local seaweed distributor.

Danny O'Malley returns to the show, and DJs really don't remember much about him. They say his name wrong multiple times, and he gets annoyed by this. Danny laments that most of the people he knew are now dead, and his Ireland-shaped bruise has still not healed. While skeptical, he is intrigued by boar milk as a homeopathic remedy.

Vino quickly leaves the studio and steals Matt's Range Rover to drive the dairy product to the three planes for Dolores's ransom request.

A man named Eduardo Lasagna then swings by the station after hearing about the potluck on the radio. He is a local psychiatrist whose practice is closed for the holiday and was excited to swing by. His real passion is selling seaweed, as he loves the science behind the craft. He sources his plants from Florida, where he and fellow psychiatrists found a love for seaweed during their time in medical school. He sells the plants in various forms – both raw and prepared – and considers the hobby a form of self-care. Eduardo's family is originally from Germany, but he was born in the United States in Des Moines, Iowa.

Vino quickly returns to inform the DJs that he was pulled over, had to pay the cop with all the dairy, and the he also lost Matt's Range Rover. He is excited to meet Mr. Lasagna and for the potential of finding a seaweed source, but after offending Mr. Lasagna by mixing up Idaho and Iowa, it's unclear if a deal can be made. The DJs also offend Mr. Lasagna by making the same mistake.

Jim E. Brown calls in to ask the DJs for advice. He has just found a child in a dumpster, where Jim was digging through the rubbish looking for food. He's not sure whether to take the child to an orphanage or raise him. The child's face is covered in dirt and blood, and Jim is uncertain whether or not he can provide enough of his own milk for the child to survive. The DJs are split on what Jim should do, but ultimately taking the child to an orphanage seems like the best bet. Jim also admits that he threw his spineless rat from a previous episode into the river.

David, a British man who claims to be a cop, then arrives to the studio to inform the DJs that he is the one who pulled over Vino in Matt's Range Rover. He is in plainclothes, carries a nightstick, and does not seem like an actual cop. He gets upset at the fact the car was holding so much boar product, which is illegal to sell. When he tries to bust Esther P. on possession, she points out that David himself has ingested the product, therefore also possessing contraband.

Then Peter the Milkman calls in just to wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving. He claims that things are flourishing at the Buda milk commune that Esther P. previously said was gone, and he goes into detail about the tasting notes of boar milk. The founders of Oddwood Ales call in an emergency fire that is happening at their house after trying to drop a turkey into a vat of oil from the top of a ladder. Sirens wail in the backdrop as chaos ensues.

The final call comes from Mike Korolla, who also calls simply to wish the DJs a happy Thanksgiving, claims he will never go to a Tex-Mex restaurant, and defends midwest milk. The show wraps up with the DJs bringing all the guests together to sing "We Are the World" and to help them with the show's signature signoff.

They decide that the genres contradict.